Its Always Been You
by dayofthedetective
Summary: After Sherlock and John's reunion. John lies awake in bed. What's keeping him up? And more importantly who? Johnlock one-shot. John/Mary in there as well. Please review x


**Authors note: This is for my wonderful fangirl friend Maya. Here's a little Johnlock to brighten your day. I don't think that I got Mary's character quite right but I tried my best. All reviews are welcome. Enjoy! - Yasmin :) xx**

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><p>A now clean shaven John Watson lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Although he had his beautiful fiancé lying next to him he couldn't help but feel alone. The bed was warm but he was cold and he wondered how this could be. The only way he could describe how he was feeling was... Empty. Empty and confused. Confused as to what he was feeling and why. He had a fiancé, good. He had a job, good. His best friend wasn't dead... And that's when it hit him. Sherlock.<br>"Bastard" John muttered angrily under his breath trying not to wake Mary.  
>"It's always Sherlock isn't it?" Mary's voice rang in his head as John had a flash back to previous events.<p>

_John stormed through the doors of his flat, flinging the door so that it made a vicious bang and the handle went crashing straight back into his lover's stomach. _

_"Ow!" Mary exclaimed running after her dangerously angry husband. _

_"How dare he!" John shouted, ripping off his scarf and coat and chucking them onto a chair. He was furious. "How dare he just barge in there and interrupt my PROPOSAL! Just as I've finally accepted his death and start to move on with my life he just struts back in and ruins everything!" He ferociously hammered the wall with his fists and kicked over his special chair. He yelled beastly before picking up his chair and flopping into it. Mary made tea whilst he let his thoughts run wild. How dare he just saunter in there with his eyeliner moustache, and his cute curly hair and his toned biceps and..._

_"Here's your tea" Mary smiled sweetly handing him his tea and then sat down and watched with amusement as her fiancé heatedly gulped down his tea. John thought about Sherlock some more. He still looked the same, but there was something about him that made John feel something that he'd never felt about anyone before. He didn't know if it was the whole "thank god you're not dead" thing talking but John felt in the knees. "No! You're straight and engaged!" He reminded himself. "Oh god Sherlock you've really screwed me up now!" He finished and slammed his mug down on the coffee table, startling Mary and making her spill her tea on her brand new dress. It was then that she realised what she must do._

_"You know," Mary began getting out of her seat and walking slowly towards John, swaying her hips as she did so "You're rather sexy when you're angry". She chuckled slightly as she watched her adorable lover blush like tomato. She got closer and bent down to place slow kiss on his cheek. This was followed by many others elsewhere on his face. "What'd you say we forget about Sherlock for a bit, I'm sure we can find something to take your mind off it." She moved to put a leg either side of John's waste so that she sat on his lap and he had a generous view of her._

_"Sounds good to me" John swallowed hard to lessen the dryness of his mouth. Mary placed a chaste kiss on his lips and they continued to work on each other's mouths, opening them to allow their tongues to come into play. They snogged each other mercilessly until Mary got bored and started nibbling one his neck and earlobes._

_"Oh god Sherlock" John moaned deeply, not realising what he'd just said. Mary looked up at him confused._

_"What did you just say?" She asked trying to stay calm but her blood was already boiling. She knew perfectly well what he just said. _

_"I didn't say anything, did I?" John asked as he tried and failed to remember what he'd just said and read Mary's face for clues. Mary got back to work with his shirt buttons and then went back to his ears and neck. She then reached down to grab his arse and gave it a squeeze. _

_"Dammit Sherlock" John growled, this time realising exactly what he'd said and hoping that Mary hadn't heard him. That sense of hope was cut off abruptly with a sharp slap across his face. John was going to complain but remembering what his fiancé was like when she was pissed off he decided not to. She jumped off his lap and stormed into their bedroom. _

_"Mary!" John called after her, grabbing his shirt on the way. "Mary I didn't mean it!"_

_"Twice!" She screamed "Twice!" She whimpered, tears welling up in her eyes. _

_"Mar…" John tried to put his hand on her arm but she brushed him off._

_"No John! I thought we'd come past this! Ever since the day we met it's been about Sherlock. I've spent the past two years trying to get you to forget about him and I thought it was working. But now he's back you've put everything on hold for him again! It's always Sherlock isn't it? I thought I meant more to you!" John watched as her shouts reduced to sobs and sat down next to her on the bed._

_"Look at me" John said lifting her chin to him and cupping her face in his hand. "Who was the one that got me through Sherlock's death? Who held me whenever I had nightmares? Who was the one that stopped me from trying to kill myself?" John soothed her, wiping her tears with his thumb. "Mary I can't even begin to tell you how much you mean to me. You're my fiancé, my rock and my best friend. Yes Sherlock was a big part of my life and I have no doubt in my mind that he will be again, but you need to know that you're just as important to me and that when Sherlock and I are running around solving crimes and diffusing bombs, you're the one that I'll come home to and you're the one that's going to have to listen to me rant about how much of a dick Sherlock is." John reassured and Mary giggled at the last comment. "I love you Mary Watson." _

_"I love you too"John smiled wrapping his arms around Mary and sadly smiled behind her back. _

_Content with John's speech, they went to bed. At least one of them was slept well._

Guilt built up inside of John. Why was he feeling guilty? He loved Mary he managed to convince her that he did as well. If only he'd have convinced himself.

John couldn't take it anymore. He tiptoed out of bed and threw on an old Christmas jumper without thinking. He was only focusing on Sherlock. He ran out of the house, looking back at Mary and whispering "I'm sorry" before running out of the house to Bakerstreet. When finally got there he stopped and panted, retrieved the spare key from behind a bush but stopped himself as he was about to turn the key. What was he doing? He was straight. He had a fiancé. He was going to be normal. But as he stared at the large 221B printed on the door he was reminded once again, that he would never be normal. He was John Watson. He was and army doctor, he was a life-saver and he was in love with Sherlock Holmes.

He twisted the key, burst through the door and ran straight upstairs. It was late but he knew that Sherlock would be awake. He was right. There he was. Looking through his microscope, curls as unruly as ever, shirt as fitted as ever.

"John. I see your moustache did come off after all" he mocked with his usual sarcastic smirk. John knew that it was now or never. John marched towards him. "Before you hit me I…."

"Oh shut up." John dragged Sherlock's lips down to his by the lapels. John kissed with passion, frustration and confusion all at once whilst Sherlock only just managed to move his lips. Eventually Sherlock got used to the sensation and found himself rather enjoying it. He searched through endless rooms in his mind palace until he finally found a file on love, hidden in a small closet. It had been years since he'd opened it and he'd forgotten that it was there. He studied the articles carefully until he knew that he had to kiss back. He grabbed John's waist and pulled him into him. Sherlock kept up with the pace remarkably well and after several minutes when they were both satisfied they broke it off. They stood there and stared at each other for what seemed like eternity, both waiting for the other to react first so that they didn't have to. Their eyes poured into each other's and for the first time in the last two years they both felt safe.

"I've always liked your jumpers" Sherlock blurted out, turning a shade of pink as he did. John looked down, realised how ridiculous he looked and laughed. Sherlock smiled, his eyes and nose wrinkling as he did and John John's stomach fluttered with excitement.

"I love you Sherlock Holmes" John said, surprised at how right the words felt leaving his mouth. Sherlock was slightly taken aback by this comment, but nonetheless said what he knew he'd been waiting to say for years. He wrapped his arms around John once again and looked him straight in the eyes. Without falter, he said those magic words.

"I love you too John Hamish Watson"

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed that! Don't be a stranger, tell me what you think. Thanks for reading - Yasmin :) xx<strong>


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